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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28192830">you're hot then you're cold</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/'>Anonymous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I stg, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Uhhhhhhhh, angst????, fuck you???, god i just fucking love aids, i am a shit writer i am so sorry, i am so sorry i am very tired, i know its not cannon but uh, i uh, if i catch one of you hating yourself i will kill god and then give you a hug and the world, let me live???, love yourself you dumb bitches, mm yes, no beta we die like Tubbo at the festival, no beta we die like wilbur sot, ok here we go, please head trigger warning, tags are dumb, tommyinnit is a child, uhhhhh im sad and wanted to write ghost tommy, we bully the child, wilbur sot, wtf am i doing it is literally 5:56 in the morning</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 12:01:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,692</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28192830</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>(OK I SAW THE OPPORTUNITY AND I TOOK IT WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT FROM ME)<br/>tommy wakes up. blurry memories and being surrounded by fire. it's too hot and he's lost somewhere that's almost familiar.</p>
<p>ok yes i am aware that tommy did not actually do the Big Dead but fuck you i wanted to make my sad phantommy story let me live<br/>also i apologize in advance this is Not Good and also Sad<br/>(lowercase intended because i'm lazy lol)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dave | Technoblade &amp; TommyInnit &amp; Wilbur Soot &amp; Phil Watson, Toby Smith | Tubbo &amp; TommyInnit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anonymous</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TRIGGER WARNING:<br/>very heavily implied suicide in this chapter. you can skip it if you can't handle that. i promise you aren't missing much, and you can still understand the story if you skip this. do not intentionally read triggering material, i will fight u.<br/>ok here we go</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>my feet are dangling over the edge, the swirl of the lava below me clearing my mind. it's patterns and bubbling and noise are blanketing my thoughts comfortably, letting me get lost in the moment. the heat is biting at my skin. i wouldn't be surprised if i got blisters by being here, actually. and honestly i don't care. why should i? no one cares anymore. what's the fucking point?</p>
<p>the lava is pretty.</p>
<p>it looks like ice cream, or frosting. something i want to eat. it looks smooth and inviting, like i would just sink into it if i were to fall, as though it were a cushion.</p>
<p>i debate jumping.</p>
<p>i mean, what do i have left to lose? i have no belongings, no friends, no home. i have nothing. honestly, what's the point of even sticking around anymore?</p>
<p>oh, but ghostbur would be so upset...</p>
<p>he would probably forget, actually. ghost memories, and all that shit.</p>
<p>i don't think philza or techno would care. they haven't visited me since the big explosion and wilbur's death. they probably forgot about me, and i don't blame them. i would forget about me too if my son/brother was a ghost and i was planning another fucking revolution. god, so many wars. i can't even participate anymore! what's the point of being here, in these world constantly in war, if i can't even go out to fight for what i believe in?</p>
<p>i'm not getting my discs back.</p>
<p>dream's made that abundantly clear.</p>
<p>i'm never going home, that much is obvious.</p>
<p>tubbo.</p>
<p>god, tubbo. he wanted me gone, i think. he jumped at the chance to get rid of me, as he should. i don't think he would miss me much, honestly.</p>
<p>i just want to go home.</p>
<p>but i can't.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>this might be a way home.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>no, that's stupid.</p>
<p>but maybe...</p>
<p>i scoot closer to the edge of the path, watching as sparks fly up from the ocean of molten death below me.</p>
<p>it's warm, but i don't think i mind it anymore.</p>
<p>no, i definitely don't mind anymore.</p>
<p>it's comforting, almost. like a hug from someone far away.</p>
<p>i lean forwards.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>i don't feel it when i hit the lava. i just feel heat, and then my vision goes red, then white, then black.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. it's warm</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>notifications and shit. angst, y'know?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ok, you're good now. no more Big Dead, i promise. stay safe everyone!</p><p>also hi lmao i'm alive and finishing this one, because i'm tired of it just Sitting There. i didn't read itr over, and it's very rushed and Bad, but it's fiiine lmao</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>[tommyinnit tried to swim in lava]</p><p>the notification popped up almost immediately, and everyone saw. it was night, but those who were awake went silent.</p><p>tubbo had driven this poor kid to his death.</p><p>nobody knew exactly what happened. it could have been anything. going mining, tripping in the nether, not paying attention, being attacked and pushed off a cliff into lava. or it was something else, but no one dared to even consider that option. the world felt empty without the presence of a boy too loud for his own good and too profane for his age. it was just... quiet. empty. without the usual barking laugh, it felt almost joyless. though they hadn't seen the boy in quite a while, they had all been warmed by the thought of him being just a boat ride away.</p><p>he was so much farther than before.</p><p>tubbo had woken up with several calls on his communicator. so many of them saying how sorry they were. he didn't know why.</p><p>until he saw the notification.</p><p>[tommyinnit tried to swim in lava]</p><p>tubbo froze, his blood running cold, his heart sinking to the soles of his shoes and through the floor.</p><p>tommy was dead. </p><p>that was his last life, too.</p><p>tubbo felt guilt crawl up his spine like a snake. it bit into the back of his neck, the poison going straight to his eyes as they started to well up. it felt wrong to cry, he hadn't cried in so long. despite what people thought, tommy had always been the bigger crier out of the two of them. tubbo was the only one left from their little duo. he was a solo act now. sure, he had exiled his friend, but they were still best friends. brothers. he looked down at his compass, the words "your tommy" engraved in the back in swooping cursive lettering(which was hell to read for this poor boy, what the fuck ghostbur).</p><p>his tommy.</p><p>his tommy had tried to swim in lava.</p><p>tubbo let out a strangled sob, feeling his legs give out from under him. he cried. he cried so hard that the neighbors heard. he cried so hard that his lungs were begging for air. he cried until his throat was raw and his eyes were cry, he cried until he couldn't think anymore. he cried so loud and so hard that he almost sounded inhuman.</p><p>nobody had ever seen tubbo cry before or after that night.</p><p>/////</p><p>he had woken up.</p><p>his head felt fuzzy, and his back hurt. he felt... lighter. like he could fly away if he wanted to. he also felt... hollow. like his emotions were dampened, like he couldn't feel the same way he used to be able to. he was holding something round and metal, shattered glass covering the broken needle of a... compass? yeah, a compass. there must have been something written on the back, but it was scratched out.</p><p>ghostbur.</p><p>the name bounced in his head, and he looked around. where was ghostbur? he just wanted his brother.</p><p>he looked at his compass. his hands were scorched red, with deep cracks showing some glowing orange liquid. the compass was pointing somewhere far away.</p><p>he tried to take a breath, but no air passed his lips. he tried again. still nothing.</p><p>was he dead?</p><p>surely not.</p><p>maybe?</p><p>he looked at his surroundings. the nether. he knew the name on instinct, though he wasn't sure why. he was surrounded by red and orange and fire and heat. he decided he didn't like it here.</p><p>he tried to remember how he had gotten there.</p><p>he remembered... faces. blurry faces that brought a feeling of safety. a green hoodie. bees? black and yellow walls and a flag. ghostbur, he remembered ghostbur. he remembered... forests, and a log, and a bell, and a potato farm underground. music playing at sunset. a friend named... tubbo. someone named schlatt. two exiles, one from schlatt and one from tubbo.</p><p>he decided he didn't like them.</p><p>he remembered that the strange cool toned portals in the distance were dangerous. they would get him killed, he knew that. </p><p>he remembered a small house, and a family. a cow farm, he had named one of them. he remembered a fireplace, and voices he couldn't quite place. wilbur was there. he remembered explosions and wars and a place called... manburg? no, l'manburg. a place called l'manburg. he remembered... not much else. he remembered both exiles, but the details were fuzzy. he remembered falling, and warmth, and feeling happy. he remembered... he...</p><p>he was hearing music.</p><p>a jukebox was nearby, he realized. it was playing a tune that was almost familiar. he found himself bopping along to the song, letting his eyes shut as he listened.</p><p>music discs. he remembered music discs. why? they must be important.</p><p>it wasn't as hot, anymore. it was more of a normal temperature. he sat cross-legged beside the jukebox, a small smile gracing his features. his legs felt... strange. he opened his eyes. his legs seemed almost liquid, like they were melting. he ignored it. </p><p>he liked the music.</p><p>he heard a noise, and looked up to see a man with a silly mask and a green hoodie looking at him.</p><p>"tommy?"</p><p>tommy. that was his name. at least he hoped so.</p><p>he tilted his head. "yeah? why do you know my name?" he asked.</p><p>the man took a step forward. "are you... real?"</p><p>"um..." tommy looked at his hands again. his skin was grey and lifeless. "i think so?"</p><p>"why are you... how did you get here?" the man asked.</p><p>tommy shrugged. "woke up here. why?"</p><p>the man tugged at the strings of his hoodie. green hoodie...</p><p>"do you... remember me?" the man asked</p><p>tommy squinted. a memory was at the back of his head, just barely out of reach. "no, sorry. should i?"</p><p>"not... necessarily? i'm dream,"</p><p>dream.</p><p>tommy shot to his feet and backed away. this man was dangerous. he didn't know why, but he knew he had to get away. far away, he had to run. run as far away as possible.</p><p>dream approached the boy, his arms out, his palms facing forwards. "i'm not gonna hurt you, tommy." he says. "i promise."</p><p>tommy narrowed his eyes, but he nodded.</p><p>dream smiled. "come on. i think you need to, uh... see some people," he helped tommy to his feet. "can you talk?"</p><p>tommy hadn't tried. he opened his mouth, and pushed a word out. it felt like fire, like the vocal chords were melding together and making him cough up blood. bubbles of molten lava came from his mouth as he hacked out burning hot embers. he tried again, but in a whisper. it ached, but it would do. "it hurts," he whispered.</p><p>he couldn't see dream's face, but he imagined he was frowning. "ok," he said. he walked through the portal. tommy waited. when dream poked his head through, the scent of pine needles made it's way to tommy's brain, though he was sure he hadn't smelled anything.</p><p>"are you not coming?" dream asked.</p><p>tommy took a cautious step backwards. "but i'll die," he whispered. "...again."</p><p>dream sighed. "look, i went through and i cam back fine. you'll be fine, tommy,"</p><p>tommy swallowed the fire in his throat, and took dream's extended hand. the two went through the portal. tommy squeezed his eyes shut, his stomach doing a backflip. when he opened his eyes, it was cold. ice cold gnawing at his skin, making his eyes go dry and his skin feel like it was cracking open. the embers in his throat burned brighter than ever. he coughed again. tears streamed down his face, painting it bright glowing orange and dark ashes. the stark mixture of ice cold and throbbing heat made his skin burn. he felt a pained whimper come through his mouth. it tasted like fire.</p><p>"woah," dream put a hand on tommy's back. "steady. we can go back soon, ok? i just..." his voice faltered.</p><p>tommy looked up.</p><p>someone was there. a man with black hair and a white headband, his eyes wide and scared and full of shock. tommy felt like he should know the man, but he couldn't come up with a name.</p><p>the man pointed a shaky finger at tommy. "y-you... is that-"</p><p>"yes, it's tommy," dream said, interrupting the man. "and yeah. yeah, he... he is," dream motioned to the vaguely familiar man. "tommy, do you remember sapnap?"</p><p>he didn't. but a picture of a cow came up in his mind. henry.</p><p>"where's henry?" tommy whispered.</p><p>sapnap blinked. "i, uh... he died too. it was an accident."</p><p>tommy glared. he didn't remember sapnap, but he felt like he should be angry at him. he opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by another coughing fit. bubbles and heat and the taste of fire.</p><p>sapnap took a tentative step forward. "tommy, i'm..." he stopped when he saw tommy's eyes. pitch black and angry. burning. "nevermind," sapnap said. he speedwalked away, leaving tommy angry and slightly confused.</p><p>dream sighed. "tommy, you..." he shook his head. "you need to see tubbo,"</p><p>tubbo.</p><p>tommy glared at the ground. "i don't think i want to see tubbo," he said.</p><p>dream nodded. "yeah, but i think he wants to see you. he's... upset," he said carefully.</p><p>tommy didn't have time to answer before dream started walking. the two of them passed a christmas tree, and a memory tickled at the back of tommy's mind. a portal, and lava, and a punch to his shoulder. they passed houses and a bakery. niki, fire, exile. tommy stopped.</p><p>"i want to go back," he said.</p><p>"tommy, come on. it's not that bad," dream grabbed tommy's wrist and started to pull.</p><p>tommy didn't struggle. he shut his eyes and let himself be dragged through... l'manburg. this was l'manburg. he heard a knock at a door and opened his eyes. they were at a house, the door decorated with a simple wreath and a green welcome mat under their feet. they waited for a moment, tommy's eyes drooping. something about the cold and the fire and the music in the back of his head making him too tired to stand. he opted to float. he wasn't sure where he had learned to do that, but he didn't care. the faint sound of a door opening made his eyes crack open slightly. a boy was staring, shell-shocked, his brown hair matted and bags under his eyes. tommy barely recognized him, but the sight of the boy stirred emotions in his stomach. he couldn't name them.</p><p>"...tommy," the boy said. it wasn't a question, tommy didn't think. the boy reached a hand out as if to touch him, and tommy backed away.</p><p>a crackling fire.</p><p>tommy floated forward, finally finding the fire. he sighed and sat in front of it, staring. it was so much warmer here. he could've fallen asleep. he instead listened to the faint sound of conversation from the door.</p><p>"where did you find him?"</p><p>"the nether. he was by the jukebox."</p><p>"do you think he... y'know,"</p><p>"yeah, i think he did."</p><p>"has anyone else seen him?"</p><p>"just me you and sapnap. i don't think he likes the cold very much."</p><p>"does he... remember me? what i did?"</p><p>"i think so?"</p><p>"can he talk?"</p><p>"barely,"</p><p>tommy coughed. more bubbles.</p><p>"he does that a lot. he either drowned or burned alive. probably both."</p><p>tubbo hummed quietly. tommy heard shuffling beside him. tubbo must have sat down. tommy closed his eyes and listened to the faint sounds of music. a soft song, a different one than the one from the nether. he leaned into the sound.</p><p>"tommy?" tubbo said, his voice soft.</p><p>tommy hummed. he didn't open his eyes. he liked the music.</p><p>"tommy do you... remember me?"</p><p>tommy looked at tubbo. he did remember. how could he not? tubbo had exiled him, and tommy was angry. but he wasn't as angry as he was before. he nodded. "you exiled me," he whispered.</p><p>tubbo nodded sadly. "yeah," his voice sounded sad. "yeah i-i did do that. i'm..." his voice broke. "i'm so sorry," he hid his face in his hands.</p><p>tommy placed a hand on his shoulder as he cried. why was he crying?</p><p>"it was a mistake, and this is all my fault. i shouldn't have- i just- i fucked up, tommy," tubbo breathed out sharply. "i'm so fucking sorry,"</p><p>"do you not like me?" tommy asked.</p><p>tubbo shook his head. "no, tommy," he said, his voice broken and quiet. "we were... you're my best friend, tommy. i'm so sorry."</p><p>tommy didn't remember that bit. but he vaguely remembered sitting on a bench and listening to music with someone, though he didn't know who. he told tubbo this. "was that you?" he asked.</p><p>tubbo nodded.</p><p>tommy decided that he didn't hate tubbo anymore. he didn't know to feel, to be honest. about anything.</p><p>tommy closed his eyes agin, letting the faint music wriggle it's way to the forefront of his mind. it was so cold. but the nether was so hot. he wanted to be warm, but it was either hot or cold. he wanted warmth. again. he wanted warmth again. he tucked his knes to his chest and just listened to the music. no reason to dwell on temperature when they're nice music. no need to dwell on his past when there was music. no need to feel tubbo's eyes on him or hear the faint conversations through the wall when there was music. no need to notice when he started to float when there was music.</p><p>no reason to speak when the music would lull him to sleep, untensing his shoulders and evening his airless breathing. no need to worry about anything.</p><p>it was cold.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hi i decided to Not Quite Finish This because i'm lazy and also mmmmmmnot big on ghost tommy anymore because fucking uhhh cryptid story and also wilbur story. i like ot keep busy lmao. but yeah, this isn't my best work, and i apologize. i have better stories, one ongoing with no clear ending yet about cryptids and minecraft and murder and all that fun stuff, and another one that's just a wilbur songfic. because i love villbur and i miss him, so i write him. uwu.<br/>if those don't sound like your style or you just Do Not Care, that's also cool. i mostly write because i want practice, so it's cool if you don't want to read any of it. neither do i lmao, it makes me Nervous when i read my own wrirtginitng. but thank you for reading this, and i hope you have a nice day.</p><p>drink some water u deserve it U3U &lt;33</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>uhhh sorry????<br/>i rlly am sorry<br/>please take care of yourself.<br/>i love you.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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